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Gay Kane Group - Recently Updated Pages

Upcoming Events!

Calendar of Events

November 2009

December 2009

January, 2010

February, 2010

March, 2010

April, 2010

Calling All Athletes! Whether you walk, run or cycle, Equality Illinois has something planned for you!

Study: Sex partners often found online

Coffee and Conversation

2nd and 4th Thursdays of each month

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Friday, January 1, 2010

November 2009

December 2009

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January, 2010

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Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove
7-11 PM

Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove
7-11 PM

Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove
7-11 PM

ESTEBAN'S EXPRESSION NITES

The American Family Association's website OneNewsNow.com sports the tagline "Your Latest News from a Christian Perspective." In addition to op-eds from antigay authors, the site relies on content from the Associated Press. They routinely make changes to put spin on the AP stories, placing the words marriage and wedding in quotes when referring to same-gender couples and swapping out the phrase "groups that oppose same-sex marriage" to read "groups that support one-man, one-woman marriage."1 Additionally, they make use of a filter to replace every instance of the word "gay" with "homosexual." So when olympic athlete Tyson Gay ran the fastest 100m of all time earlier this week, the headline at OneNewsNow.com read "Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials."

Howard Fendrich's AP story, modified by the American Family Association for readers of OneNewsNow.com, included the following amusing lines:

"Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has." "Wearing a royal blue uniform with red and white diagonal stripes across the front, along with matching shoes, all in a tribute to 1936 Olympic star Jesse Owens, Homosexual dominated the competition." "Everyone expected Homosexual to make the U.S. team."

After the laughs and shaking of heads, instances like this are sure to give people everywhere pause. The American Family Association's fixation with being antigay -- right down to the word itself -- serves neither America nor the many families that call her home.

1. "Moral" group's continued embrace of unethical journalism

House rejects benefits for partners of gay Chicago teachers

Associated Press - April 15, 2008 6:34 PM ET
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. (AP) - The Illinois House has rejected a measure aimed at helping gay teachers in Chicago.
The measure involves pension benefits that surviving spouses can collect after a teacher dies. The change would have allowed gay teachers to give survivor benefits to their partners, just as married couples can.
The legislation failed 43-67 Tuesday.
Supporters say the change wouldn't have cost taxpayers anything. Teachers would have paid all costs.
They also say it's only fair to let gay teachers provide financial security for their partners.
But Republican Representative Ron Stephens calls the idea "an important error in judgment."
The bill is HB4731.
On the Net: http://www.ilga.gov http://www.wandtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=8171745

Feel free to contact Mr. Stephens or your own rep. to explain to him what "an important error in judgement" really is and that gays and lesbians are part of their constituency.

Ron Stephens

112A Executive Drive

Highland, IL 62249

(618) 651-0405

(618) 651-0413 FAX

Two reps cover the tri cities area. I'm not exactly sure where the boundary is but they both voted against it as well.

The rep for the eastern part of the Tri Cities is Mike Fortner.

135 Fremont St.

West Chicago, IL 60185

(630) 293-9344

(630) 293-9785 FAX

The western part of the Tri Cities is Tim Schmitz.

127 Hamilton Street

Suite D

Geneva, IL 60134

(630) 845-9590

(630) 845-9592 FAX

Ted Haggard and Larry Craig should take a lesson from this guy!

from www.goodasyou.org

Southworth: Embracing his worth, even in the South

Chicago Tribune

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rolledham — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:39:46 CST

	Coffee and Conversation 2nd and 4th Thursdays of each month We typically meet from 7:00pm-9:00pm when Panera closes. Check back here, or call the event phone at 630-338-6134 630-338-6134 on the day of the event. Coffee night is when we plan future events, get to know one another a little better, and gossip about the friends who didn't make it to coffee. Please join us, everyone is welcome. Upcoming coffee nights are: November 12, November 27* (Day after Thanksgiving), December 10, December 24 (Christmas Eve) The Thanksgiving day coffee meet up will* be held on Friday. Same place and time. 7 PM at Panera St. Charles. Do you have a suggestion for a different meeting place? We need a place where approximately 15 people can gather comfortably for two hours. Send us an email or leave a message here at the bottom of the page. We had 22 men and woman at the November 12 meeting...had Panera bulging at the seams!
	Winter Wonderland Holiday Concert Saturday, December 5, 2009 5:00, 8:00 p.m. Sunday, December 6, 2009 2:00 p.m. Center on Halsted Hoover-Leppen Theatre 3656 N. Halsted St., Chicago One of our members, Robert, sings with the Windy City Performing Arts Chior. They are putting on a Winter Wonderland holiday show at the Center on Halsted. Tickets are only $20. Support our GLBTQ center and the Windy City Performing Arts. If you would like to hear Robert and the Windy City Performing Arts Choir sing send Robert an email for more information.
	Holiday Open House Saturday, December 19th, 2009 7:30 p.m. Come join us for some holiday cheer at Mickeys house in St. Charles. Mickey is providing coffee, tea, and pop. Please bring a snack or sweet for people to munch on, or a festive holiday drink (beer, wine, etc.) Around 9:00 p.m. we will put on a gay Christmas movie. Feel free to bring a friend. Please RSVP and let Mickey know if you need directions. .
HAPPY NEW YEAR!	New Years Day Gathering Friday, January 1, 2010 5:00 p.m. Steve volunteered to host a new years day get together at his house. Help us ring in the first day of the new year. Please RSVP to Steve.

Go to Calendar or return to the Main Page

Monkiwan — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 10:28:05 CST

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12 Coffee Night Panera St. Charles 7-9 PM	13	14 Movie Night at Ken and David's
15	16	17	18	19	20	2 's
22	23	24	25	26 Thanksgiving (U.S.) No Coffee	27 Coffee re-scheduled Panera St. Charles 7-9PM	28
29 Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM	30

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
		1	2	3	4	5
6 Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM	7	8	9	10 Coffee Night Panera St. Charles 7-9 PM	11 Hanukkah begins at sundown	12 Hanukkah continues
13 Hanukkah continues Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM	14 Hanukkah continues	15 Hanukkah continues	16 Hanukkah continues	17 Hanukkah continues	18 Hanukkah	19 Holiday Party/Open House in St. Charles 7:30 pm until ?? Last night of Hanukkah
20 Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM	21	22	23	24 No Coffee	25 Christmas Day	26
27 Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM	28	29	30	31 New Years Eve

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thur	Fri	Sat
					1 Happy New Year!	2
3 Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM	4	5	6	7	8	9
10 Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM	11	12	13	14 Coffee Night at Panera St. Charles 7-9	15	16
17 Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM	18 M.L.King Holiday	19	20	21	22	23
24 Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM	25	26	27	28 Coffee Night at Panera St. Charles 7-9	29	30
31 Karaoke Hunters Elk Grove 7-11 PM

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thur	Fri	Sat
	1	2 Ground Hog Day also Primary Elections	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11 Coffee Night at Panera St. Charles 7-9	12 A. Lincoln Birthday Holiday	13
14 Valentine Day	15 Presidents' Day (Washington Observed)	16	17 Ash Wednesday	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25 Coffee Night at Panera St Charles 7-9	26	27
28

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thur	Fri	Sat
	1	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11 Coffee Night at Panera St. Charles 7-9	12	13
14 Daylight Savings Begins at 2 am today	15	16	17 St. Patrick's Day	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25 Coffee Night at Panera St. Charles 7-9	26	27
28 Palm Sunday	29 Passover Begins at Sundown	30 Passover continues to April 6	31

GaySop — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:05:53 CST

This page is just what it says. I'd like members to start posting. If you're not sure how something works, you can try it here, then erase it or edit it or fix it or whatever. I'll come by now and then and clean it up. If you get good content here, move it out to one of the REAL pages, or create a new page for it. Everything on this page is fair game to be edited, erased or stolen!

rolledham — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 08:19:03 CDT

	Julie and Julia with Fran Bailey Three of us from the Kane County group joined Fran Bailey and her Out in the Suburbs Group to see Julie and Julia in Schamuburg. In total there were approximately 15 people all sitting together all watching the movie. At one point I was laughing so hard I almost fell out of my chair. After the movie ten of us went over to the RAM brewery for drinks and dinner. It ended up being a very late night for me because I was enjoying the company of new friends. If you are interested you can watch the trailer here.
	Game Nights: We get together to play a variety of games. Some are old favorites and others no one has ever heard of. We try out all different types of games from board games to card games. Some of the most recent games we have played are listed below. Apples to Apples, Guitar Hero, Music Trivia, Rock Band, and Scattergories.
	Festivals: At the end of August the Kane County group met up with several other groups for the official gay day at the Bristol Renaissance Fair. There were approximately 25 people that we knew enjoying the beautiful weather for the fair. It was nice to see rainbow flags everywhere and people not doing double takes when two guys were holding hands or each other. We ate Turkey legs, drank sassafrass, and shopped. After the fair a group of ten of us went out to dinner in Gurnee. Hopefully you can make our next event outing. Check out the upcoming events page. Some of the other festivals we have attended: Festival of the Vine, First Fridays in Geneva, Swedish Days.
	Dinners: We had our last group dinner at Schnitzel Platz in Glendale Heights. We had authentic German food - Sauerbraten, Pork Schnitzel, Wiener Schnitzel - and music for Oktoberfest. We even saw beer served in a giant boot! We had a total of ten people for this event. Afterward the entire group went to Mickeys house for coffee and desserts. Claddagh, Nosh, Schnitzel Platz, Thai Zie, Tivoli
Do you have an idea for a group event?	Send your suggestion to any of the following people and they will help you get started planning the event: Ben, Mickey, Steve

Julie and Julia with Fran Bailey

Three of us from the Kane County group joined Fran Bailey and her Out in the Suburbs Group to see Julie and Julia in Schamuburg. In total there were approximately 15 people all sitting together all watching the movie. At one point I was laughing so hard I almost fell out of my chair. After the movie ten of us went over to the RAM brewery for drinks and dinner. It ended up being a very late night for me because I was enjoying the company of new friends.

If you are interested you can watch the trailer here.
Game Nights:

We get together to play a variety of games. Some are old favorites and others no one has ever heard of. We try out all different types of games from board games to card games. Some of the most recent games we have played are listed below.

Apples to Apples, Guitar Hero, Music Trivia, Rock Band, and Scattergories.

Festivals:

At the end of August the Kane County group met up with several other groups for the official gay day at the Bristol Renaissance Fair. There were approximately 25 people that we knew enjoying the beautiful weather for the fair. It was nice to see rainbow flags everywhere and people not doing double takes when two guys were holding hands or each other. We ate Turkey legs, drank sassafrass, and shopped. After the fair a group of ten of us went out to dinner in Gurnee.

Hopefully you can make our next event outing. Check out the upcoming events page.

Some of the other festivals we have attended:
Festival of the Vine, First Fridays in Geneva, Swedish Days.

Dinners:

We had our last group dinner at Schnitzel Platz in Glendale Heights. We had authentic German food - Sauerbraten, Pork Schnitzel, Wiener Schnitzel - and music for Oktoberfest. We even saw beer served in a giant boot! We had a total of ten people for this event. Afterward the entire group went to Mickeys house for coffee and desserts.

Claddagh, Nosh, Schnitzel Platz, Thai Zie, Tivoli
Do you have an idea for a group event? Send your suggestion to any of the following people and they will help you get started planning the event:

Ben, Mickey, Steve

GaySop — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 20:35:04 CDT

	Welcome to the Gay Kane Group Our Mission: This webpage is a starting point to meet other GLBTQ people in the suburbs. We get together at least twice a month and have discussions in an accepting and supportive environment. The group is open to all residents of Chicagoland. However, most of the events take place in or around St. Charles, Batavia, and Geneva. If you have an idea for a group outing email any of the moderators and we can help you plan the event.
	Looking for INFO on Coffee Night or an Outing? We plan and attend a variety of events. There are summer festivals, parades, concerts, comedy nights, picnics, and more. To see details or help arrange a future event go to the Upcoming Events page.

Welcome to the Gay Kane Group

Our Mission:
This webpage is a starting point to meet other GLBTQ people in the suburbs. We get together at least twice a month and have discussions in an accepting and supportive environment. The group is open to all residents of Chicagoland. However, most of the events take place in or around St. Charles, Batavia, and Geneva. If you have an idea for a group outing email any of the moderators and we can help you plan the event.

Looking for INFO on Coffee Night or an Outing?

We plan and attend a variety of events. There are summer festivals, parades, concerts, comedy nights, picnics, and more.

To see details or help arrange a future event go to the Upcoming Events page.

rolledham — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 22:10:02 CDT

Volunteers Needed

Youth Outlook, formerly the Questioning Youth Center (QYC), seeks volunteers to assist with operating our drop-in centers, youth leadership program and community education work. If you have 5 hours per month to spare, we will provide the training you need. Youth Outlook’s weekly groups meet in DeKalb on Mondays, in Naperville on Tuesdays, and Aurora on Thursdays. And coming in spring, 2009, our new drop-in center in St. Charles!

Do you have time in your schedule for an evening with extremely intelligent, politically aware youth? Do you have time to laugh? We have got a place for you! To learn more about volunteer opportunities with Youth Outlook, contact Nancy Mullen, Executive Director, at 815-754-5331 to receive an application.

rolledham — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 14:30:30 CDT

The book club is taking a break for the summer. Instead of curling up with a good book we are enjoying the weather going to BBQs and summer festivals. The book club will likely resume in the fall.

Book Image	Title/Author	Book Description
	May 21, 2009 Open Read	Read anything you like and come to the group to discuss what you read.
	April 16, 2009 Seti's Heart by Kiernan Kelly	Cursed by a god who shares his name, Seti was an Egyptian king who lost everything; his name, his kingdom, even the man he loved more than anything in the world. For centuries, he's waited in a dusty, forgotten sarcophagus, until Logan comes along. Logan is a graduate student who stumbles on Seti in the basement of a museum and accidentally awakens him. Logan figures any way he looks at it, a missing mummy is going to be bad for his career, so he takes Seti with him until he can decide what to do. He doesn't want to be accused of theft, but who's going to believe in a mummy coming back to life? Seti and Logan have a lot more to worry about than the modern day police. There's a group of scientists that want Seti for more than decoration and a vengeful god with an agenda to get Seti gone once and for all. Logan has to deal with all of that, but his biggest problem might just be Seti himself, who's trying hard to get into Logan's pants, and his heart.
	March 19, 2009 Hitched: Wedding Stories from San Francisco City Hall Edited by Cheryl Dumesnil	On Thursday, February 12, 2004, Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin, a lesbian couple who have been together for fifty-one years, became the first same-sex couple married at San Francisco City Hall. By March 11, when the California State Supreme Court ordered a halt to the weddings, 4.037 gay and lesbian couples had tied the knot. These couples had traveled to San Francisco by bus and plane. They had called in sick to work and packed their kids and camping gear into the backs of their cars, and headed to City Hall. They had stood in line through high wind and torrential rain, all for a chance to have their relationships legally recognized. Each couple has a unique story to tell. <BR>While the media have focused on political aspects of the ongoing marriage debate, interviewing pundits and average citizens on both sides of the issue, by and large the lives of the newlyweds — their rich, diverse, and vibrant personal histories — have remained invisible. "Hitched! Wedding Stories from San Francisco City Hall introduces readers to the determined, brave, and loving couples who took center stage during the historical events at City Hall.
	February 19, 2009 The Passion by Jeanette Winterson I have extra used copies of the book, $9.00 email me .	Publisher Comments: The Passion is a modern classic that confirms Jeanette Winterson's special claim on the novel. Set during the tumultuous years of the Napoleonic Wars, The Passion intertwines the destinies of two remarkable people: Henri, a simple French soldier, who follows Napoleon from glory to Russian ruin; and Villanelle, the red-haired, web-footed daughter of a Venetian boatman, whose husband has gambled away her heart. In Venice's compound of carnival, chance, and darkness, the pairi meet their singular destiny. Review: "A Historical novel quite different from any other...it is written with a living passion, an eyewitness immediacy....Winterson is a master of her material, a writer in whom great talent deeply abides." Vanity Fair Jeanette Winterson was born in Manchester, England, and adopted by Pentecostal parents who brought her up in the nearby mill-town of Accrington. The house had no bathroom either, which was fortunate because it meant that Jeanette could read her books by flashlight in the outside toilet. Reading was not much approved unless it was the Bible. Her parents intended her for the missionary field. Schooling was erratic but Jeanette had got herself into a girl's grammar school and later she read English at Oxford University. This was not an easy transition. Jeanette had left home at 16 after falling in love with another girl. While she took her A levels she lived in various places, supporting herself by evening and weekend work. In a year off to earn money, she worked as a domestic in a lunatic asylum.
	January 15, 2009 Strangers on a Train by Patricia Highsmith	Two men, a tennis star and a psychopath, meet by chance on a train and "swap" murders. "Strangers on a Train", Highsmith's first novel, was the source for Alfred Hitchcock's classic masterpiece. Description: A major new reissue (2001) of the work of a classic(1950) noir novelist. With the acclaim for The Talented Mr. Ripley, more film projects in production, and two biographies forthcoming, expatriate legend Patricia Highsmith would be shocked to see that she has finally arrived in her homeland. Throughout her career, Highsmith brought a keen literary eye and a genius for plumbing the psychopathic mind to more than thirty works of fiction, unparalleled in their placid deviousness and sardonic humor. With deadpan accuracy, she delighted in creating true sociopaths in the guise of the everyday man or woman. Now, one of her finest works is again in print: Strangers on a Train, Highsmith's first novel and the source for Alfred Hitchcock's classic 1953 film. With this novel, Highsmith revels in eliciting the unsettling psychological forces that lurk beneath the surface of everyday contemporary life. About the Author: Patricia Highsmith wrote twenty-one novels, including Strangers on a Train and the Ripley series. She died in 1995 in Switzerland, where she resided much of her life. Note: While you may be tempted to rent the Hitchcock movie (go ahead, you'll enjoy it) please know that Hitchcock had a reputation for taking a LOT of liberties with novels he turned into scripts, to the extent that you won't be able to "fake" having read the book by watching the film.
	December 18, 2008 Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris	This wonderfully subversive holiday gift package reprints Sedaris' deliciously acerbic short story "The Santaland Diaries" and combines it with two equally sardonic Sedaris Christmas classics plus an all-new holiday tale. For everyone who's had enough of the forced good cheer, family madness, and commercial overkill of Christmas, "Holiday on Ice" is the perfect antidote. (N.B. Recently republished under the same/similar title, newer editions contain additional stories. We will be concentrating on the original 1997 edition of Holidays on Ice)
	November 20, 2008 The Lost Language of Cranes by David Leavitt	David Leavitt's extraordinary first novel, now reissued in paperback, is a seminal work about family, sexual identity, home, and loss. Set in the 1980s against the backdrop of a swiftly gentrifying Manhattan, The Lost Language of Cranes tells the story of twenty-five-year-old Philip, who realizes he must come out to his parents after falling in love for the first time with a man. Philip's parents are facing their own crisis: pressure from developers and the loss of their longtime home. But the real threat to this family is Philip's father's own struggle with his latent homosexuality, realized only in his Sunday afternoon visits to gay porn theaters. Philip's admission to his parents and his father's hidden life provoke changes that forever alter the landscape of their worlds. (Check your local library, or I have a few used copies available for resale at $6.50, contact GaySop )
	October 17, 2008 Becoming a man: Half a Life Story by Paul Monette	Our first selection is a story about growing up gay in the 1950s and 60s. It's a memiore about what it is like for a child to keep such a big secret! Surely many of us will be able to relate to this story. Synopsis: A child of the 1950s from a small New England town, "perfect Paul" earns straight A's and shines in social and literary pursuits, all the while keeping a secret — from himself and the rest of the world. Struggling to be, or at least to imitate, a straight man, through Ivy League halls of privilege and bohemian travels abroad, loveless intimacy and unrequited passion, Paul Monette was haunted, and finally saved, by a dream of "the thing I'd never even seen: two men in love and laughing." Searingly honest, witty, and humane, "Becoming a Man" is the definitive coming-out story in the classic coming-of-age genre. Our book guru Robert is arranging for the first meeting, as well as attempting to get several copies of the book through inter-library loan. It may also be possible to purchase the book (used even) through outlets like Amazon.com or Powells .com. (I got the used copies at Powells, but another member emailed to say that Amazon still had used copies. ) I'll re-sell the three extra used copies I got at the next coffee if anyone is interested.(Mickeydid). The first meeting will be the evening of October 16, and the general plan will be to meet the third Thursday of each month, disecting one book that the entire group will have read. For this first meeting, bring also your suggestions for future selections. More details will be posted as they evolve.

GaySop — Sun, 24 May 2009 23:16:32 CDT

This directory is intended to list businesses that Friends would recommend to other Friends. Please indulge a few definitions and instructions before you post your favorite business. Please allow me to use the word "gay" on this page to mean gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans-gender.

A business listed as gay-owned is owned by one or more gay persons. There may be additional owner(s) who are not gay. Please do not "out" a business owner by listing him/her here. Only list as gay-owned those businesses who have given permission or who would list themselves as gay-owned.
A gay-managed business is, one which is owned by a large corporation, or by straight or unknown owners but is operated or managed openly by one or more gay persons. Similar to the what we said about gay-owned businesses, we will not "out" a gay manager who does not openly operate a business or request to be listed as gay-managed.
A gay-friendly business might include either of the above, if they choose not to be listed as gay-owned or gay-managed, or if you don't know about owner(s) or manager(s)orientation, but the business recognizes gay customers and welcomes them. Your local Starbuck's might be listed as gay-friendly, even if the manager is your straight sister-in-law.
A note to business owners and business managers. Pleased, feel free to request to have your business added or deleted from this list, or changed by category. The open architecture of this system actually will allow you to make changes yourself, but if you'd like us to do it for you simply E-mail the GaySop

Noodle and Bar by Thai Zie Restaurant at 11 N. Third Street in St. Charles (630-444-1690) is a gay-friendly
restaurant serving the most authentic Thai food around. As of May 22, 2009, the Thai Zie has a new name, "Noodles and Bar by Thai Zie" and a new menu. Now serving some of the same Thai dishes and before, with some great additions of Thai noodle dishes and Thai noodle soup (pick your noodle, pick your protien item, pick your broth type!) and almost all entree's are just $7.95. Appetizers begin at $3.95! Great cocktails, with a special martini menu, it is affordable luxury! The service is friendly, the decor is elegant and the food is the best Thai in the area. The owner, Champ, and his chef mother, Toom, will treat you like family.Try a Thai iced tea or Thai iced coffee for something different, or maybe you'd like to sample Thai beers. Lunch and Dinner is served 7 days a week. Click on the photo to the left for a website with more photos and a copy of the new menu.

We just heard about a new place for GLBT adults to gather on Thursday Nights. Esteban's in Naperville has just started
Expression Nites on Thursdays, from 8PM to 2AM. September 4 was the kickoff, and while as far as we know, no Kane Friends were there, we're told that there was a diverse classy crowd with a good mix of men and women, as well as a variety of ages and ethnicities. September 4, and again Sept 11 Expression Nites feature was a name-brand female impersonation (Drag) show, starring the World renowned Cher impersonator, Candi Stratton (pictured left) and Miss Shining Star Continental 2008. A few more details are available at the Expression Nites website on Myspace. Esteban's is at 1550 N. Rt. 59 in Naperville, just south of I-88.

Fran Bailey is a gay Realtor, associated with Baird & Warner which bills itself as "Chicago's Leading Gay-Friendly Real Estate Broker." Fran keeps a Real Estate Blog and is also active as the operator of Out In The Suburbs a website for GLBT people living in the Chicago suburban communities. Fran can help you sell your current home, find that dream home, or help with other important Real Estate matters. You can telephone her at 847-890-5270 or you can email Fran

Dixie LoCicero is a gay Financial Services Representative, associated with Chicago North Financial Group, MetLife. Dixie is licensed for life, accident & health, variable products and securities. Her goal is to become a financial resource for GLBT people living in the Chicago suburban communities. Dixie also can help small business owners with benefit programs. Dixie can be reached at (630) 875-1644, dlocicero@metlife.com. Check out Dixie's website: www.dixielocicero.metlife.com.

Need help with your resume? Need interviewing support?
Cynthia Wade is an award winning recruiter and writer. She can help you to craft your resume as a marketing document that will help get you that interview. She can then coach you through the interview process to better ensure that you will get an offer.
Cynthia is a straight woman, but comfortable working with gays, lesbians and trans-gendered people in their job searches.
For more information write to her at CynthiaKayWade@aol.com
.

rolledham — Tue, 19 May 2009 21:35:37 CDT

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rolledham — Thu, 14 May 2009 21:52:21 CDT

There are no events at this time. Please Check back later.

rolledham — Thu, 07 May 2009 22:36:44 CDT

Don't miss the issue related links on our GLBT Advocacy Page

HIV/AIDS Resource Links
AIDS Foundation Chicago Help for person and families affected by HIV/AIDS

Open Door Clinic Clinics in Aurora and Elgin dedicated to testing and treatment of HIV/AIDS and other STDs

AIDS Legal Council of Chicago For 20 years, the AIDS Legal Council of Chicago has been fighting to protect the legal rights of people with HIV. We help our clients access public benefits to pay for rent, food and medical care. We help them fight discrimination in employment and health care. We provide assistance with insurance issues. And we help them with a variety of other legal problems that can impact their quality of life

YOUTH Resource Links
Youth Outlook , formerly know as the Questioning Youth Center, offers services for GLBTQ youth ages 14 to 22 including drop in centers for those 14 to 20 (age varies by location, see website for details) In Aurora, Naperville and Dekalb St. Charles - Geneva site coming in 2009! 815-754-5331

The Trevor Project operates a national crisis/suicide prevention line for GLBTQ youth 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Hit the link for info, or in crisis, CALL 1-866-4-U-TREVOR . Translated that's 1-866-488-7386.

Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays See description in section below.

State and National Public Advocacy and Service Organizations
Human Rights Campaign National organization known for it's yellow = sign on a blue background, HRC provides programs for GLBTQ persons, conducts lobby campaigns for GLBT friendly legislation, supports GLBT candidates for public office and more. Coming out handbooks, Equality in the Workplace resources, Out in Scripture resources for various faith traditions and much, much more.

Equality Illinois The Mission of Equality Illinois is to secure, protect and defend equal rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in Illinois. Equality Illinois lobbies legislation in Springfield, supports GLBT friendly candidates for state and local office, conducts public information campaigns and social events.

Rainbow Families works to build a safe, just, and affirming world for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender parents and their children. Check out their April 2008 workshop in Minneapolis. Also a resource on gay parenting, adoption, interfacing gay families with childrens' schools, etc.

Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.

Other Relevant Websites
Out in the Suburbs is a GREAT resource listing bars, religious communities, insurance agents, events, organizations and more.

Peterson Toscano has a phenomenal, somewhat comedic blog relating his experiences as a member of the "Ex-Gay" movement.

Groups and Clubs
Community Alliance and Action Network is a Joliet based group with similar aims and interest, with some more opportunities for activism.

Gay McHenry in an online messaging system, and a club that sponsors coffee nights and socials, participation in Pride parade, and much more.

Chicago Dragons Gay Rugby Club The Chicago Dragons Rugby Football Club is the first rugby club in the Midwest established to invite members from traditionally under-represented groups, particularly gay men, to engage in the world's third most popular team sportThe Chicago Dragons Rugby Football Club is the first rugby club in the Midwest established to invite members from traditionally under-represented groups, particularly gay men, to engage in the world's third most popular team sport

Stonewall Association of Illinois is a group that has been around for a while. They have support groups, social events and more. While the group is centered in Naperville, they draw from a large area, so check them out!

West Suburban Gay Association a long-standing social group with many planned events. About 300 members, mostly men, from all over the western suburbs the group attends concerts and shows as a group, dinners out, and more.

Gay People of Faith
Reconciling Journey is a group of LBGTQ Christians who meet monthly for bible study and social networking. The group may have other events, such as movie nights and attendance at special GLBT interest events. This link is to the Yahoo Group used to introduce and communicate with members.

Congregational United Church of Christ of St. Charles is an Open and Affirming Church of the United Church of Christ. Located on LaFox Road at Fox Mill Boulevard, between Routes 64 and 38, 5 miles west of downtown St. Charles.

First Congregational Church Geneva 327 Hamilton Street, (Corner of 4th and Hamilton) downtown Geneva. Open and welcoming congregation.

Unitarian Universalist Society of Geneva 102 & 112 South Second Street, (Corner of 2nd and James) downtown Geneva. Open and affirming, this congregation's associate minister is openly gay and partnered.

Interesting Links You Might Want to Try
Daily OM Nuturing Mind, Body and Spirit

Have you checked out the Calendar?

GaySop — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 15:29:18 CDT

American Family Association Gets Caught Rewriting Associated Press Stories

Reprinted from "Souforce Email Update, July 1, 2008" Join Soulforce www.soulforce.org

On Saturday, June 28th, Equality Illinois asks you to join our team for Proud To Run 2008, Chicago Pride Weekend's 5K/10K Run and 2 Mile Fun Walk. Now in its’ 27th year, Proud To Run celebrates lesbian and gay pride. Everyone who wishes to join in the celebration and show support is welcome, regardless of sexual orientation. Presented in association with the Frontrunners/Frontwalkers Chicago, Chicago’s LGBT running and walking club, Proud To Run raises funds to help health and service organizations in Chicago. The event begins at 8:04 am, and is held on Lincoln Park’s running/bike path just east of Lake Shore Drive, with both the start and finish at Montrose Avenue (4400 North). Both Equality Illinois’ running and walking teams will be headed up by Equality Illinois Board member Linda Pauel. For additional information on becoming a member of one of our teams and cost of participation, please contact Linda at LPauel@EQIL.org.

Later this summer, on Saturday, August 16th, bicycle enthusiasts are asked to join the Equality Illinois cycling team for Rolling on the River-- Illinois’ Bike Ride for the Environment. Held at the Kendall County Fairgrounds in Yorkville, IL, Rolling on the River brings attention to Illinois’ air and water quality, food supply, rivers and other natural resources. The choice of one-day rides includes a casual cruise of 15 miles to an intense workout of 100 miles. The fully-supported, clearly marked routes cross the Fox River multiple times, with a scenic vistas, rolling hills and wildlife. Participants can purchase official Team EQIL cycling jerseys, underwritten in part by Nutrisoda, Aquafina Alive Water and Moët Hennessy USA, to whom we extend a heartfelt thank you. For information on how you can purchase a team jersey, please contact Equality Illinois Board member Tamara Lewis at TLewis@EQIL.org. To register for this event, please go to RollingRiverRide. Make sure you specify Equality Illinois as your Team! For additional information, go to http://www.rollingriverride.org.

Become a Member

Join Equality Illinois and Support the Cause! Equality Illinois invites you to become an active member as we work towards a full and equal place at the table for LGBT people and our families in Illinois. By being an active member, you let us know that you are out there, that you are on the side of equality and justice, and that our voice is reaching open hearts and minds. Educating our fellow Illinoisans and government officials about legislative issues, building a strong support network that crosses the boundaries of sexual orientation and gender identity, and maintaining a strong and effective team of lobbyists are all key to our future successes, and that is why your support is so very critical today. Your financial contributions are vital to our existence. Your membership is the support that keeps us going. Equality Illinois offers many membership plans, Individual to Household, Activist to Capitol Club. Please consider joining or renewing your membership now. To join online, please click here. For additional information on membership plans and options, please contact Joey McDonald at JMcDonald@EQIL.org or 773-477-7173.

News you can use!

Contemporary Christian Celebrity Comes Out.

He''s a Southern boy. He hosts a Christian television show. And while those two things might seem like reasons to stay in the closet, Nashvillian TV personality Azariah Southworth isn't going to let anything stand in the way of his truth. He's just come out:
Popular Christian TV host comes out [Out & About]
It remains to be seen how those in the Christian community, who have profiled Azariah in their media outlets and celebrated his program, will react to his revelation. Though if a betting man, this writer would put money on the word "Satan" factoring into their replies.
But damning condemnations be damned. Welcome out, Azariah!

At least for the time being, you can send Azariah a note of encouragement at www.myspace.com/theremixtv

See the Resources page

Obama Speech on Race and Politics in America - March 18, 2008

Illinois General Assembly debates HB 1826 - Domestic Partner Law Your Help is Needed Now! Equality Illinois seeks your help in contacting your representative and senator in Springfield in support of the bill.

HB1826 provides recognition and guarantees some of the rights and responsibilities to persons in civil unions that are currently granted to persons in civil marriages.

Gay and lesbian couples and seniors should have the same inheritance rights, medical decision-making rights and protections as married couples in Illinois.

This bill also affirms religious institutions’ right not to solemnize these unions.

We have come far, but we still have a long way to go before all Illinois families are treated fairly and equitably. You have the power to help make equality a reality in Illinois.

Please go to Equality Illinois now, for mor informaton and to contact your legislators in Springfield.

Back to the Resources page
or
Check out Events!

GaySop — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 16:14:56 CST

Have you checked out our GLBT Advocacy page ?

Tyler Oakley on HATE SPEECH

Keith Olbermann video on Gay Marriage and Prop 8

Cool Gay Parenting Video! I've Got You
Member Westburbswimmer, a great gay dad himself, found this video on uTube. Check it out!

75% of Americans favor repealing the military "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy!
Staff Sgt Eric Alva (USMC Ret.) was the first American injured in the "war" in Iraq. His right leg was blown off. After his honorable discharge from the Marine Corps and rehabilitation with a computerized metal "leg," Eric came out as a gay man. This week (July 20, 2008) he will testify before Congress about the need to repeal don't ask don't tell. Here is an ABC News(c) video featuring Alva and the poll that shows that 75% of Americans now favor allowing gays to serve openly in the military!

A great video of Faith Leaders talking about the Freedom to Marry!

The President who could have been

Here's how one famous Thai dish is prepared:
Basil Fried Rice, Thai Style!

No Comment on this one

This one is about love

Here is Barak Obama's March 18 Speech on Race and Politics in America

Gay Blind Date!

Any Guy can be a Girl!

GaySop — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 09:24:05 CDT

Event Phone/Voice Mail/Text Message

630-338-6134

Leave a voice mail message for the group organizers
At the time of a scheduled event place a voice call for directions, etc.
Text message the group organizers

Click Here

To send mail from your email account to the group organizers

To leave a message on this system, click on "members" from the red bar at the top of the page; select either "GaySop" or "Dekunoboh" from the list of members, and then click on "send message" on the drop down under the name you have selected.

You are the chairman of the Board This group has no officers, no charter, no bylaws, no structure. Technically, there is no organization. Anybody can come in and sign up on the website, but the website is simply a communication tool. Some who attend the functions planned are not website users, and some who use the website will never attend an event. YOU may post an event, organize an event and report on your event. You can ask for help, you can do it on your own. You can pick a date, you can take the emails, you can ask the moderators to help gather RSVPs or do it yourself. You can come to all the events, one event, no events, any events you want. No dues, No membership card.

This site is a gathering space for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Trans and Questioning people who live, work, play or visit central Kane County, Illinois. Let's call that anywhere within easy reach of Geneva, Illinois, but also let's not quibble about details. The site is primarily intended for adults over the age of 18, but an attempt will be made to keep all content within the bounds of what might also be acceptable for mature youth. While we will attempt to post referral sites for queer and questioning youth, that is not a primary purpose of this website. Any social events sponsored or promoted herein are intended for adults over the age of 18, except as specifically noted

Community Guidelines (adapted from the Wetpaint Wiki Code of Conduct)
To foster the best possible experience for all, the GLBTQ Friends-Central Kane County community respectfully requests that its visitors and contributors honor these guidelines for conduct. Failure to follow these rules may result in a deletion of your comment and/or content.

1.Play nicely with others

Treat others and their comments/contributions with respect, and foster considerate dialogue.
Inappropriate, crude or abusive language is unacceptable; anyone may access this site.
There are no stupid questions. Everyone's input is welcomed and honored. Please be supportive of all.
Please report disrespectful or provocative content, but refrain from seeking vigilante justice.

2. Act in good faith

Don't pilfer material - Do not publish content to which you have no rights.
Shameless self-promotion and hawking of wares are strictly out-of-line. See Spam section below.

3. Spam and not spam.

It is OK to mention a business or service, especially one which is GLBT friendly, or provides services unique to our community, but it becomes SPAM when it is repeated unnecessarily, or flagrantly used to bring business to yourself and your friends, rather than to help the readers.
Unsolicited web links used to promote a business or other website may be considered SPAM. It is OK to offer a link in response to a legitimate question or issue raised by another, unrelated contributor.
Postings promoting other websites most appropriately belong on the page with other resource links. If you are not sure how to do this, give it a try, or leave a detailed message to GaySop and he will post it for you. Nonsequitor messages in the forums that serve only to solicit visits to another website may be considered SPAM. On the other hand, if the website you are suggesting has content directly related to the thread posted by other contributor(s) it's probably OK, to post a link.
SPAM is just plain rude. Please don't make a contributor, moderator or the GaySop delete your SPAM. When in doubt, ask.

4. Encourage a safe and positive Environment

We are a group base around the ideal of creating a safe environment in which LGBTQ individuals can socialize. Please act with responsibility and accountability when interacting with other participants such as to maintain said environment.

Thanks you for your cooperation. Together we can make this a great place to visit.

Return to Home Page

GaySop — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:01:57 CDT

The Fabyan Forest Preserve is located in Geneva, Illinois, south of downtown Geneva, and north of Fabyan Parkway, on both sides of the Fox River.
Our Picnic will be in Shelter #3, which is on the EAST side of the Fox River, accessible only from Route 25. You'd turn in by the Windmill and park in the big lot along the river. The shelter is adjacent to the parking lot and bike trail, within eyeshot of the windmill.

From the north: Take Illinois Route 25 north from Route 38 (State Street) about a mile and a half. You'll See a big brown, dutch-style windmill; turn right at the windmill and come to the bottom of the hill.

From the south: Take Illinois Route 25 south from Batavia or from Fabyan Parkway, several hundred yards almost to the big brown dutch-style windmill; turn left at the windmill and come to the bottom of the hill.

The Fabyan Forest Preserve link has some history of the park, directions and a map of the park.

GaySop — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 23:26:18 CDT

Syphilis on rise among men with same-sex partners

By Deborah L. Shelton | Chicago Tribune reporter July 14, 2008

Men who have sex with men are more likely to turn to the Internet to find sex partners than meet them at bars or clubs, according to a new report by the Chicago Department of Public Health.

The trend is significant because health experts believe Internet hookups are helping to fuel a syphilis epidemic among men with same-sex partners.

The report was based on confidential interviews conducted as part of the health department's routine disease-surveillance activities. It was the first time more men said they met sex partners online than in places such as bars, said Dr. William Wong, medical director of the health department's division of sexually transmitted disease, HIV and AIDS.

The Internet is not the cause of the upsurge in infectious syphilis cases among men who have sex with men, but it increases the chances of disease transmission, said Deborah Levine, executive director of the Oakland, Calif.-based Internet Sexuality Information Services, a non-profit group that develops Internet technologies to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

"If you go to a bar in a night, there might be 200 or 300 people there," Levine said. "You can go on multiple Web sites in a night and potentially meet thousands of people. The speed and sheer numbers allow for more possibilities for passing around infections."

In 1999, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention launched a national plan to eliminate infectious syphilis from the United States. But even as rates among heterosexuals have dropped dramatically, sinking to a historic low, rates among men who have sex with men have soared.

The shift has set back local and national health campaigns aimed at preventing new cases of the disease.

The number of syphilis cases in Chicago hovered around 300 annually for about a decade. Until 2001, most of the cases were among heterosexual men and women.

Then the trend shifted. Last year 331 syphilis cases were reported in Chicago—71 percent of them among men with same-sex partners.

Nationally, about 36,000 cases were reported in 2006.

Syphilis is easily treated with penicillin in its early stages. Untreated, it can damage internal organs, including the brain, nerves, eyes, heart, blood vessels, liver, bones and joints.

According to the health department survey, 34 percent of men diagnosed with syphilis last year at city health department STD clinics said they met their sex partners on the Internet, Wong said. That compared with 33 percent of men who said they met their sex partners at bars or clubs.

"Prevention does work, and the reductions over the last 10 years among women and the heterosexual community are an important advance," Wong said. "We are making progress. But syphilis is still around and there's still work to be done."

One concern is the increasing number of people diagnosed with syphilis who also are HIV-infected. Among heterosexuals diagnosed with syphilis at city clinics four years ago, 6 percent were infected with HIV. Last year it was 15 percent.

The majority of men diagnosed with syphilis at Howard Brown Health Center already are HIV-infected or finding out about their HIV infection at the same time of their diagnosis, said Daniel Pohl, the health center's manager of disease-intervention services.

Unprotected oral sex is mistakenly considered safe, but it can be risky in the case of syphilis if there are sores on the genitals or in the mouth, Pohl said.

"They think casual oral sex won't have repercussions," he said. "But with syphilis, it can."

Though the Internet has created new challenges, it also offers opportunities for intervention, Wong said.

The National Coalition of STD Directors published national guidelines on Internet-based interventions to help health departments use the Web in outreach activities.

The Chicago health department has tried different strategies—from beefing up its Web site with information about syphilis, to posting banner ads on other Web sites and launching a Web site called inSPOT, which is run in partnership with Internet Sexuality Information Services.

The site combines the concept of an electronic greeting card with information about STDs.

Men can send an anonymous, confidential e-mail notifying their partners that they have been exposed to a sexually transmitted disease.

GaySop — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:52:12 CDT

Community Activism

Following a rigorous study and discussions of the 1973 American Psychiatric Association, the decision was made to remove homosexuality from its list of mental disorders. In 1975 the American Psychological Association adopted a resolution stating that homosexuality per se implies no impairment in judgment, stability, reliability or general social or vocational 'capabilities'. These findings, guidelines per se, established by the Psychological Association are aspirational in intent. They are intended to facilitate the continued systematic development of the profession and to help assure a high level of professional practice by psychologists.

Multiple studies have been conducted within various homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and heterosexual communities. Studies have noted the differences between homosexual and heterosexual subjects with regard to psychological functioning, differences within GLBT society has been attributed to the affects of stress, confusion and unhealthy behavioral patterns as it relates to stigmatization based on sexual orientation. The identified behavioral patterns frequently lead to increased risk of suicide, substance abuse, promiscuity and emotional distress. How do we counter this?

A sensitivity to the complex dynamics associated with factors such as cultural values about gender roles, religious and procreative beliefs, degree of individual and family acculturation, and the personal and cultural history of discrimination or oppression is also important. All of these factors may have a significant impact on identity integration, psychological and social functioning.

The vast majority of the heterosexual world at large still considers homosexuality nothing more than deviant sexual based practice. Why is this? These observations, studies, conclusions and facts are based largely on the structures and behaviors within the various GLBT communities. The gist here is that gay men most frequently are merely in search of some equivalent of a tall, dark fantasy stranger (while some preferences vary). Like a hunter going into the woods in search of his prey, rather than kill it, the gay man drags back his exotic find and becomes physically, however rarely romantically involved. Once his appetite for the conquest has been fulfilled (much like the appetite of a hungry hunter), it is 'over' and he is off in search of his next meal. And within the majority of the GLBT community, this is considered acceptable; the norm.

There is a classic gay joke that asks, "What does a gay man bring to a second date?" The punch line: "What second date"? In actuality, this encapsulates the greater majority of attitudes and approaches within the male populous of the gay lifestyle as well as how the general public views the community regarding sex, relationships and lack of intimacy and love. And somehow we consider this community? In one of six books Brad Gooch has written, printed clearly in black and white, on page 121, it says, "Among gay men, sex is like a handshake, a way of saying hello and then the sex as well as the man disappears." Most gay men are content living their entire lives like this, it's easier, and they don't have to commit to, or work toward anything other than their next conquest and encounter. That has become the accepted view and stigma of and within gay society and yet most gays consider these behaviors acceptable, common and community oriented.

What about the recent popularly advertised, awareness heightening intent of gay community movements and developments? Most communities, villages, or gayborhoods where large populations of GLBT exist are based structurally around gay oriented establishments, such as restaurants, bars or pubs, nightclubs, bookstores and bathhouses. Chicago is third on the list behind New York City and Los Angeles where 5.8% of the City's population, a total of 114,449 people are GLBT. Most of the referenced communities are based on ease of access to 'whatever it is your looking for' in the moment.

Feel like sushi tonight, one block west, and then two blocks north. Perhaps you're feeling more like Thai or Asian for dinner; three blocks east and one block south. Whether it be the leather scene, a preppy type, a bear, a three way, group sex, or a quick anonymous-stop-drop-and-roll with no names or personal information exchanged; it has become all about the ease of availability. And, of course, there are the internet online gay communities where the greater percentage is geared toward the quick anonymous-stop-drop-and-roll factor.

So, other than annual gay pride events, political protests, AIDS awareness gatherings, limited gay oriented sports group activities and the weekends out looking to meet your next physical conquest, what evidence is there of 'real' community? Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines community as: A group of persons with a common characteristic or interest - a group linked by a common policy scattered throughout a larger society. There are many facets of proposed gay community structure and given the perception of the mass majority regarding referenced behaviors in the previous paragraphs, what can be done to correct the stigma; to enhance and improve conceptualization that exists? How can we be respected within any community if we do not respect ourselves and others?

There are beliefs and evidence that stereotype gay men as sexual predators and long-term relationship failures. Consequently, gay men who hold intimacy sacred to their hearts and lives feel a sense of hopelessness and frustration about finding, securing and developing meaningful, functional and loving intimate relationship. So, rather than finding the strength, courage and wisdom to stand apart from the meaningless norm, they settle for the easiest way to get along and succumb to what is superficial and temporary. There is much truth in the perceptions and stereotypes of gay men leading a life filled with meaningless sexually-based relationships and is somehow considered acceptable within our community.

Yes, there are gay men (and straight men, and women) who avoid meaningful relationships and pursue sexual connections with little to no authentic connection. Gay, straight, male or female, many individuals have difficulty with authentic contact and use what is thought to be the safety of brief, superficial contact to meet their needs; it isn't limited to gay men however has become much more apparent in our culture. It is a sad and disturbing human phenomenon. Isn't it about time we make a change within ourselves and within our community to prove that this lifestyle is not merely about devious sexual encounters, manipulation, using others and not being man enough to faithfully stand by a commitment?

The ease of men being sexual with other men, without worry of pregnancy or need for courting and attachment, also contributes to sexual focus and spontaneity of gay men but the consideration of sexually transmitted diseases is seemingly disregarded in many cases. In general, whether gay or straight, men tend to express themselves more easily through sexual conquest. Many gay men spent much of their childhood and adolescence worrying and wondering. Most developing gay males do not reveal these concerns to anyone and keep their same-sex longing, feelings and fantasies buried deep inside as a shameful secret. Often, after growing up and coming out, gay men often "forget" how painful and confusing those times were. As much as same-sex understanding of sexuality is inhibited and suppressed during our adolescent years, the eventual expression most generally surfaces negatively and promiscuously as a result of not enough positive role models within the community.

Many gay men who are ‘coming out’ initially discover the ease and availability of sexual experiences with other men. Once the lid of 'inhibition and fear’ is taken of the pot, sexual expression often comes to a full boil. This is often the unfortunate developmental phase for most gay men. Although sexual freedom and expression often feels wonderful and satisfying, there is also a limit to the pleasure if there is no deeper, more meaningful relationship experience. Although the sexual excitement, connection and release inherently feels good, it alone does not meet other essential human needs including feeling interpersonally connected, being deeply "known and understood" by another and experiencing the profound sense of trust in another.

Without 'intimacy', the superficial connections with others eventually become empty and meaningless. Yet, even the historical roots of the word "intimacy" reveals its awesome challenge to our psychological and emotional development. The word "intimacy" comes from Latin and is translated as "moving into fear." For many gay men in our sex and gay-negative culture, the integration or balancing of sex and intimacy is a challenge. Connecting our hearts and genitals often means "moving into fear." Often our hearts and genitals are disconnected because they've each been wounded by the scorn and rejection of them over the years of growing up gay in a culture, community or family that rejects a fundamental aspect of who we are.

To feel a sense of deep connection with another man that fills both our hearts and our genitals simultaneously is to feel deeply. If we are disconnected from, or shameful about, our emotional, relationship and sexual wounds, to feel them deeply can be overwhelming and lead to a sense of fear, vulnerability and promiscuity. Consider an intimacy group for gay men (no, not group sex) to provide a safe place to begin exploring different ways of intellectually relating to other gay men from a non sexual driven perspective. It offers an opportunity to develop more genuine connections, to give and receive honest feedback with other gay men and to explore the unique defenses and survival mechanisms which may interfere with the development of more meaningful, lasting and fulfilling relationships.

Open, honest, emotionally and physiologically based groups can offer an environment to discuss the emotional, social, sexual and interpersonal experiences of growing up gay, adolescent thoughts and feelings, developing into manhood and experiences that may have been hurtful, difficult or humiliating. Groups with other gays provide an opportunity to learn and practice relationship and social skills and to overcome the anxiety of authentically expressing oneself with other gay people.

An intimacy group would challenge our fears of rejection that may inhibit our genuine expression with others, whether gay or straight. To avoid facing our fears empowers that which we are afraid of. To "move into fear" is to conquer and master it.

The gay community is particularly ill-equipped to deal with present looming crises: the rise of bare-backing, a new and ignorant generation, the growth of Tina, and the deadly prospect of super-AIDS. Peter Staley, a veteran AIDS activist and recovering meth addict, explains why: "The whole basis of our community is very libertarian. The gay liberation movement’s primary focus has always been fighting against those who are trying to tell us how to live our lives, so we’re very reluctant to tell each other how to live our lives. But I hope our community only takes that so far. For example, if we had been completely libertarian during the height of the AIDS crisis in the 80s, there would have been no pressure on some gay men to make other gay men use condoms all the time. That was our greatest hour as a community – when we started helping each other, and started expecting that we take care of our own. Now, here we are again, faced with a situation where the behavior and health of many gay men is under serious threat. We need to start helping and pressuring each other again."

If we want to alter the renewed crisis, we have to do something that is temperamentally very difficult for gay people: we have to restigmatise bareback sex and make crystal meth socially and promiscuous behavior unacceptable on the gay scene. For a community whose whole purpose has been stripping away stigma, this will be wrenching – but the alternative may be another mass culling of the gay population. As the playwright Jeff Whitty puts it, "I don’t care what kind of sex anyone has. That’s up to them. But we have a problem. And we need to start dealing with it more responsibly if we don’t all want to die. How many times does that message need to be sent?"

Some campaigning gay groups in the US want to launch an aggressive, full-on campaign against callously risky behavior. Groups like ACT-UP – one of the first to fight for awareness of AIDS in the first crisis – have mooted tracking down anybody who is deliberately engaging in risky behavior sabotaging them before they can infect somebody else; whether that be physically infecting or mentally corrupting. This would mean infiltrating websites, turning up at "pos parties" (where men bareback) to ruin them, protesting outside barebacking clubs, and more. Charles Kaiser, historian and author of ‘The Gay Metropolis’, argues, "Gay men do not have the right to spread a debilitating and often fatal disease. A person who is HIV-positive has no more right to unprotected intercourse than he has the right to put a bullet through another person’s head." Ana Oliveira, head of Gay Men’s Health Crisis, says, "It makes a community stronger when we take care of ourselves and those around us, and if that means we have to be much more present and intervene with people who are doing this to themselves and others, so be it."

What about community that involves development and support of focus on the actual values of heart and a healthy mind, longevity and the things that matter most in life; honesty, integrity, conscience, true and meaningful non physical based human experiences, educating, learning, understanding, helping others, respect and self respect, being examples to others, living and leading by example? Much understanding and healing is needed in the gay community where deviant behaviors and inconsiderate actions toward others thrive and has done far too much damage. I would like to invest in being a part of a community where there is a respectable approach to diverse matters and evidence of sharing through learning experiences and positive development through and within lasting and meaningful relationships.

I would like to be a part of a community where there is consistent development and support and where selfishness and self-centeredness is eliminated; where there is enough genuine care and outward kindness available to show others a better way of doing things and better, healthier ways to live life and positively interact with others; where spiritual connectedness exists. Helping and supporting others with simple tasks such as cleaning out their garage or basement, assisting in the landscaping of their property, listening and offering advice when someone is going through a tough time. A community oriented in free will to give back to others without the involvement of an expectation of something in return is a better sense of community. An environment, space and time where we encourage and are encouraged to adopt a more complex understanding of sexual orientation and behavior rather than a dichotomous model in the approach, interaction and treatment of others; Isn't this closer to the true objective and mission of a supportive growing community?

Martin Luther King said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter." For the gay community, this is no longer just a metaphor.

2

Good Friday

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Easter and

Orthodox Easter

6

Passover ends

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Coffee Night at Panera St. Charles 7-9

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Coffee Night at Panera St. Charles 7-9

Earth Day